Holy Crap! Yay and What if ....

Monday, April 16, 2012
So, somehow I have made it into the last round of Mog Madness.  This has been so much fun, I'm very sad that it's almost over.  I'm working on something but I can't talk about it, of course.  So you'll see when I do!

In other news, I managed to gain quite a few levels this past week.  I got my blood elf warrior to 65 via a combo of leveling and having my husband take me through instances.  I'm too shy to do things on my own and my guildies with toons my level have been on vacation for the past week.  I also managed to get my undead hunter to level 53 and a half (as of this writing).  And lastly, I got my goblin warlock to level 13 so she can get matched up with the husband's new undead priest.

That puts my total levels up to 1955, so I'm almost there!  Only 57 more to go!

And that brings me to what I wanted to write about today.  I'm sure some of you have seen that Amateur Azerothian is quitting the game.  And I want to point out that I truly, truly am 100% behind his reason(s).  Now, before I say anything further, I want to say a couple of things.  What follows is MY story.  It's MY plan for MY life.  This is not me saying ANYTHING about what you should or should not do.

I am the granddaughter of alcoholics.  (Stay with me here, it goes somewhere.)  My mother and father, seeing in themselves the potential to become alcoholics themselves, did not drink AT ALL while I was a young child.  It was only until I was 13 that I ever saw a glass of wine in my father's hand.  It was only after I moved out, that I ever saw my mother with a glass of wine in HER hand.  They had decided, before they had children, that in order to raise my siblings and I the best way they knew how, no alcohol would be allowed in the house and they would only drink a little on their date nights.

My parents (being my parents) seemed to me to be normal.  I know now that what I experienced in my early years was not normal.  My grandparents, well, I thought that everyone had grandparents who started drinking at 8am and passed out after dinner.  As I grew, I found myself having issues similar to my grandparents, except not with alcohol, with other things.

When I met my husband, he ran a BBS.  He taught me to type on the computer, he taught me to 'surf' the BBS's, he gave me my own forum (called the Peanut Gallery since he had nicknamed me Peanut).  I was hooked.  When we moved out, we got DSL.  Which back in the late 1990's was impressive.  A 'fat pipe to the net' is what I believe he called it once.

I met this guy through work (I worked a computer repair shop) who got me and my husband into a MUD called Xyllomer.  (This guy became, and is still, one of my best friends.)  I got into IRC and ICQ.  I would wake up first thing in the morning to see who was online in the MUD/IRC/ICQ.  I was constantly chatting with people.  There are pictures of me at family gatherings scowling because OMG THIS IS MY COMPUTER TIME JUST LET ME LEAVE!!

Then WoW came out.  I started to play and it was very apparent to me that this game is my alcohol.  I can not put it down.  I think about it all the time, I talk about it all the time EVEN TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T PLAY!!!!  I didn't realize how bad it got until my husband started to play.  I realized then that if he and I ever were to have children, WoW would have to go away.  Note, I did not say video gaming, I said WoW.  And honestly probably any other MMO.

I am happy here and at the moment, I am not hurting anyone (other then myself), neglecting anyone (other then my husband), or whatnot.  However, I know myself and I know how people with this disease (for I believe just like alcoholism, gambling addiction, drug addiction and eating disorders, this is a disease) lie to themselves that you can do it just a little.  No one will notice.  (To have full disclaimer, I am in a 12 step program myself.  However, I won't tell you which one.  But it is helping me.)

However, as I said in a comment to Mr. Amateur, the husband and I have always agreed that if I got pregnant, we would stop playing.  All for the above reasons I've mentioned.  I remember being snapped at by my drunken Grandmother, I don't want to be the mother that snaps at you while she's raiding/leveling/farming or the mother whose face you only see when she turns around to scowl at you because ZOMG you are disturbing her raiding.

Now, this being said, I have played in the past and currently play with parents whose first duties have always been to their children.  I know that I have never, in the past 7 years ever thought to myself "Geez, where are those kids and who is taking care of them?"  This is not about that.  We've all seen the bloggers retiring from WoW because they are having children or their children are growing up.  That is not about that either.

At this point in my life, I am looking at a life of no children (seriously, who would want to pass on my genetic code?).  So this is a moot point.  But, I love children (not for lunch/dinner) and I like to day dream sometimes.  "What if ...."  I don't play it alot anymore since the outlook is pretty bleak for that.

Now, if you are a parent who plays WoW or any other MMO, I am NOT calling you neglectful or lazy or stupid or whatever you think I'm saying.  I honestly don't even have an opinion on what the average parent does with their spare time.  I know that being a parent is a really hard job and I want to thank you for taking it on.  Earthmother knows I can't do it right now!  This is just what I would do, as I know myself.

So, thank you for reading.  And have a good night.

5 comments:

  1. Just remember, when things really matter, people find reservoirs of strength that they never knew they had.

  1. Kenzie said...:

    I think that was very well said. If anyone finds issue with it that's on them. There was a time I was very addicted to WoW, and if I didn't have kids I probably would still be. *smooch*

  1. Marz said...:

    MMOs are very hard to ignore because of the huge social aspect of them. It is so much easier to walk away from a single player game for a moment when someone in real life needs your attention. I also regret being so wrapped up in MMOs, but at the same time they kept me sane when I was going through postpartum depression.

    I had to walk away from them because not being able to devote a huge chunk of time to them was causing me stress and I wasn't completely present when I was away from my MMO. I was always thinking about what I wanted to do once I got back online.

    I still miss MMOs occasionally, but am glad I took a step back to focus on other things.

  1. I had made this decision back when I was 'only' playing my MUD. We were so SO into it that we ignored each other. I remember one day I burned my finger really badly and had to drive across town to pick up some burn cream from my in-laws. My husband wouldn't get his ass off the computer to drive me because he was roleplaying. I had to drive across town with 1 hand shoved in a cup of ice, that I had between my legs. When I got home, we had an epic argument about no matter how much fun a game is, it's only a goddamn game and we are MUCH more important to each other then that. (I think at this point in time we were like 21?) We've matured a lot in my opinion, but sometimes we're still those irresponsible 20 year olds that have no cares in the world except our video games. (And our cat.)

    The part that I love about my plan, is that my husband is behind it. He's just as addicted as I am. However, we both agree that any children we bring into this world deserve everything and that at that point in time, they are our primary care.

    I know it's easy to say as a non-parent. "Oh yeah, I'll TOTALLY DO X, Y, Z, when I'm a parent." I get wistful when I see people saying 'I'm quitting the game to spend more time with my kids'. *I* want to quit the game to spend more time with my kids. I can't spend more time with my nephews because they live 6 hours away, and I can't spend more time with my niece because she already gets all the attention of 5 other adults.

    Wistful thinking :D

  1. This is one time I'm hoping blogger doesn't screw with my Open ID...

    First off, your comments have resonated alongside everyone's and I'll admit there was a bit louder hum coming from your words and as I said there, I say thank you here as well.

    You know what, you really have to take a step back sometimes because you don't realize what things actually are. I mean, my situation never became what I swore I never would be, but you reach a point where you go "hrm, I best to X to prevent Y" and sometimes your glimpse at that is SO brief that you miss it. I think I was fortunate that I didn't miss it.

    Honestly, as I said to either Matty or Effy, I have no problem still playing an MMO. But between my son, my house, the nice weather, so many darn factors, I'm just not on enough where I can justify the monthly fee. That's really the key in terms of WoW. If this was Guild Wars (which, again...2 IS COMING...lol), or DCU Online, or Lord of the Rings I was playing with all of you...it would be different. I'd have no problem having it just sit there. Plus, if I wasn't leveling Saintvache or farming for Transmog gear...I was BUILDING a transmog outfit. Again, just doesn't seem financially worth it.

    I apologize for the wall of text, but thought I'd elaborate a bit here as you said such wonderful things to me and about me. Well, I would have commented anyway, but they were appreciated too. As for whatever step you're on, for whatever reason, be proud. Even if you start back at one as many of us find ourselves doing sometimes, still hold your head proud.

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