Meltdown

Thursday, November 17, 2011
So, I had a melt down during raid last night.  And when I say melt down, I mean sobbing, yelling, crying, the whole nine yards.  Though, I don't think anyone in my guild knew I was crying.  They just knew I was mad/upset or as my husband said this morning 'throwing a tantrum'.

The night started off okay.  We were taking in two new people to 10 man Firelands on normal mode.  We get in there and pretty much one shot everything up to Baleroc, as we usually do.  Now, I had been feeling rather 'hrmph-y' since my co-healer and one of the warlocks started making comments about Staghelm roasting the druids before FireBirdLady.  I know they were being silly, but I heard what they were saying and took it to mean 'All druids need to die'.  Which hurt my tender feelings a bit.  YES, I know it's pixels, but I really wish that Blizz had not had him kill all those druids like that.  It makes me sad every time we go in there.

And to have two of my guildies making jokes about wanting hamburgers from the dead druids, well, apparently I was overly sensitive last night and I took it to heart and nursed my hurt quietly.

Then we get to Baleroc.  We try and wipe, and try and wipe and try and wipe.  One of those time, I was supposed to be healing the tank but something happened and after I innervated myself (having to unselect him)   I tried to reselect him but was unable to actually throw heals on him.  I think what happened was that I was trying to throw a heal on him while I was switching targets and the cast didn't go through.  I'm not 100% sure because it was in the middle of the fight and I was stressed.  What I do know is that by the time I realized I wasn't casting, my tank had died and we wiped.

So, I believe in accepting blame where blame was due, so I admitted to the raid that this wipe was my fault because of the above mentioned conditions.  And here is where the melt down occurs.  My guildies started trying to tell me how to fix it.  I got told the following things: 1. Make a macro to select yourself to innervate you and 2. Innervates are self cast only.  After I told them that I don't like macros, they proceed to talk over me and just tell me how to do it.  And I was told repeated that innervate is self cast only so I don't have to unselect my target to cast it.  Then, when I finally started 'yelling' I.E. talking in all caps in raid chat, along with raid warnings, they flipped it and said 'well, when you innervate someone else you get the same amount of mana as you would if you cast it on yourself'.

By this point, I was in tears and was feeling attacked.  I logged off vent and if my husband hadn't been raid leader, I would have quit the raid, if not the guild.  We had two more attempts on Baleroc, didn't get him down and called it for the night.  I cried the whole rest of the time.  After that, I logged off, found an old server of mine and rolled an alt.  Because, I apparently don't have enough of them.

We have raid again tonight and I just don't know what to do.  I don't want to go.  I'm embarrassed and depressed.  I feel like a burden to my guild and I am just done.  And honestly, I haven't done anything like this since Cata came out I believe.  I don't think I've ever done anything to this extent before.  Apparently my RL problems are affecting me then I thought.  But I don't know.  Ugh.  What a bad time.

So, now I get to pick up the pieces and move on.  I mostly feel bad because we have a new player to the guild and he was one of the ones trying to 'help'.  He has no idea what just happened.  And I really don't want to explain it to him.  Such is my life.

3 comments:

  1. Navimie said...:

    Aww, sounds like things are stressing you all over! Baleroc made one of my priests cry and stop raiding for 2 weeks - she felt like was being attacked by the pally healer. But I hope you feel better soon! At least you 2 heal it on your druid. I'm lazy and we still 3 heal.

  1. Aidrana said...:

    I absolutely -hate- Baleroc, because I have hell of a time trying to build stacks on him. The fight in general is just stressful too, since it's a "healing fight" O.o

    Macros for innervate aren't necessary imo, as long as you have yourself or nothing selected. Just curious, how do you target people in your raid?

    I use my raid frames to select people and have put my casting bar (using AzCastBar addon) right above the raid frames. This way, I can see if I'm actually casting while I'm looking at the raid frames! I find that this saves my eyes valuable travel time having to look at my character to check if I'm actually casting or not.

    As for the new player.... I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you. He obviously wasn't criticizing your healing skills, and just wanted to help. You could say something, "I know you were just helping, thank you but I was really stressed the other night, I'm sorry," and leave it at that. Good luck :)

  1. The idea to move my casting bar right above my raid frames is an awesome idea and one I never even thought about. I used MoveAnything and did it! Yay!

    As far as how I target people, I just click their frame in Vuh'do. I tried using mouse over macros but my hands shake to much and to do that I have to make my healing frames so big I can't see the bad when it's heading my way.

    As far as people criticizing my healing skills, I will admit I'm really touchy about that. I wrote early on about one of my first experiences with healing a 25 man raid (Gruul's Lair) where I was told (by a dead hunter) that "You're doing it wrong" and ever since then, when people say things like "you should do X" all I really hear is 'You obv don't know how to play nub'. It's awesome! :)

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