Day 07 – The reason behind your blog’s name

Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The Reluctant Raider was originally supposed to be a place I used to kvetch about how hard it is to lead raids, run a guild and generally try to herd kittens.  In the middle of my guild raiding ICC, I was completely burned out.  I didn't want to raid anymore, I just wanted to level my alts, talk to my friends and hang out.  We were doing 25 man raids and just barely getting people to show up.  It hit a breaking point one night and my husband, in a fit of pique, broke his hand.  I had taken a break from raiding for a couple of weeks and that combined with a lot of other things made him snap and he punched a wall.

We went to Urgent Care that night instead of raiding, he was a lot calmer and I was livid.  I was mad at my guild for "giving" us this stress, I was mad at my husband for being childish and throwing a temper tantrum and I was mad at myself because I proceeded to log onto my main and curse them out for making my husband lose his temper.  It was probably my lowest moment. 

I came home that day and decided that by my not raiding, I helped contribute to my husband's stress level.  So I talked to my friends and created this blog.  I only managed to put 1 post up before I abandoned it.  I didn't want people to know that I was talking about them, and I didn't want to bad mouth my guild since I am one of the guild officers.  That original post was deleted a long time ago.  The stress of knowing it was out there was almost as bad as the stress of only have 19 people show up to do progression 25 man raiding.  (19 players was always the worst.  Not enough to do 25's, not enough to do 2 10's but WAY too many to do 1 10 man without hurting someone's feelings.)

We stopped raiding 25's about midway through ICC.  We just couldn't get a steady roster of people.  We went to 2 10 mans and progressed through ICC that way.  Eventually, we got down to one 10 man, which we then proceeded to do hard modes with.  At this point, we had enough healers that I was able to sit out and relieve some of my burnout.  However, we ended up losing more people so I ended up healing again.  We did the heroic bosses, we did the achievements but before we could get heroic Sindragosa down, we stopped putting up raids completely.  A few of us went to a PUG group and managed to complete the last two achievements to get our ICC drakes on September 25th, 2010. 

After we got our drakes, we stopped raiding completely until Cata.  It just wasn't worth it.  The stress, the heartache.  I was reluctant to raid in the first place.  The only reason I did was to make my best friends happy back in BC, I continued with it in Wrath because they needed me (and I loved to be needed).  In Cata, again, I decided I would raid, for my friends, reluctantly.

However, since Cata came out, we have gone through major roster changes.  Over half our core group has left the guild or quit the game.  Leaving just myself, my husband, our best friends and 1 other person from when we originally started our guild.  We took a break due to roster changes and to be honest, some drama.  Since then however, I have gotten some medical problems fixed.  I've been diagnosed with sleep apnea, so the doctors gave me a CPAP machine to help me breath while I sleep at night.  My other doctors have fiddled with my medication causing my anxiety disorder to practically go away completely.  To be honest, I feel like a completely different person.

My blog name doesn't really fit who I am anymore.  But I don't want to change it to something else.  It means too much to me, it reminds me that I'm at where I am now by choice.  Not because someone wants me there.


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